My absence explained

04:23:2007
Aparrently Barbra Streisand hasn't been keeping up her blog either. This strikes me as very funny.

What's my excuse this time? The only one worth a damn in this stupid jew bitch bandwagon-jumping world. I lost the access details which I needed to update the blog. So I must have a huge backlog of writing to post up, eh?

Well, sort of. In the time since my last entry I had to make do with little bits of torn envelopes, flyers, receipts, cancelled travel tickets and in one case the instructions for a fold-up picnic table. Delving through these I have rediscovered my notes on the wrong way to make baked stuffed camel. It seems the dish is made by nomads in North Africa and is one of those one-animal-stuffed-inside-another dishes which I have been obsessed with for a long time. T.C Boyle described it in his book Water Music:
T.C. Boyle's BAKED CAMEL (STUFFED) from Water Music

500 dates
200 plover eggs
20 two-pound carp
4 bustards, cleaned and plucked
2 sheep
1 large camel
seasonings

Dig trench. Reduce inferno to hot coals, three feet in depth. Separately hard-cook eggs. Scale carp and stuff with shelled eggs and dates. Season bustards and stuff with stuffed carp. Stuff stuffed bustards into sheep and stuffed sheep into camel. Singe camel. Then wrap in leaves of doum palm and bury in pit. Bake two days. Serve with rice.
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Now I imagined going about it without having taken the necessary step of killing all the animals prior to stuffing them inside eachother. I reckoned the only way to do it was to line the animals up all facing the same way with the camel at one end and going down in size, the smallest animal at the other end. Then construct a ladder going up to the camel's arse up which the sheep would have to be enticed. The sheep, too, would have a smaller ladder leading up its own arse, ditto the bustards.
The hard bit would be persuading the animals to comply with this plan, but I reckon that by the time the errant chef had organised all the animals with the arse-ladders and everything, he might take a step back and begin to suspect he had gone wrong somewhere.

More gems from the pile of scrap paper to come. As long as I don't lose that sodding access code again.

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