Random acts in Vienna with a four year old

04:19:2003
Took ---y to th Technisches Museum in Vienna today (that's the Science museum for you non-German speakers)
My main motivation was to introduce her to the wonders of the cinema with her very first proper experience of the big screen. So I had decided to do it in style with the biggest screen possible- IMAX. IMAX films are usually only 40 minutes long which I reckoned was about as long as she could take, and let's face it I wanted an excuse for treating myself as well.

Because IMAX films are so bloody enormous, I thought she'd be totally gobsmacked but as I stole the odd glance at her during the film she had the same look of concentration that she has watching the Tweenies on a 14 inch TV. The film was a documentary about Chimpanzees with a fair amount of Jane Goodall walking about in the rainforest looking thoughtful. The voiceover was in German but you don't really go to an IMAX for the voiceovers, which can be a bit patronising to tell the truth. ---y seemed particularly interested in two bits; one was a great fly-through of the rainforests of the rift valley, during which she turned to me and asked 'why flying?' which was a bit hard to answer. Another bit that seemed to interest her was when Goodall was seen to be bedding down under a blanket on top of a mountain. ---y was very keen to know why she wasn't going home. Again, a bit of a poser.

Then (of course) she asked if the film was going to be 'a long time ago' because she had to go to the toilet. I duly took her to the toilet and then discovered that all the doors back into the auditorium were locked. So we traipsed around the lobby looking for an usher or someone to let us back in. By the time we got back in the film was nearly over. Still, a general success all round.

It did seem a bit odd that they should lock all the doors once the film starts and have no toilets accessable from the auditorium itself. Then again there's a lot of odd stuff about IMAX. Because the cameras are so big and the film is so expensive the format imposes certain restrictions on what they can and can't do. Steadicam shots are generally not done, as are complicated tracking shots or anything that might require more than a couple of takes. Also the films have to be aggressively middle-of-the-road so they can reach the widest possible audience. It's a bit like the most advanced picture and sound technology coupled with the sensibilities of '50s television.

Anyway, after the IMAX we went to the museum itself, where I misinterpreted an exhibit which was designed to allow people to roll balls round a giant funnel until they disappeared down the central hole (it was something to do with Gravity). Not seeing any balls around I assumed you were supposed to roll coins down it like those charity things. So much to ---y's delight I rolled a cent down the thing and promptly jammed the exit pipe, at the bottom of which I found the balls which it was actually designed for.

I had just got up from my hands and knees where I had been trying to unjam the thing using a rolled up leaflet for a steam railway when one of the attendents appeard and quizzed me (in German) as to whether I had done some damn fool stunt like try and roll a coin down the funnel. I lied to him in German (which is surprisingly easy to do. Actually, it's not really surprising at all) and said I had been rolling 'kleine balle' down the thing. He didn't seem to believe me and I noticed him shadowing us several more times during our visit as if expecting us to hop into an 1895 horseless carriage and try to start the bugger up.

Later in the museum cafe ---y, jazzed up on diet coke, showed me her bum. I tried to be shocked and tell her off like a responsible parent but I found it so funny that we both ended up laughing. I'm trying to figure out whether she has inherited my sense of humour, or if my sense of humour is still at a 4 year old level. Probably a bit of both. I'm looking forward to when I'm senile and she's come round with her kids for Xmas lunch and I decide to show my bum.

I got a call from ----i who had spent the afternoon with --m. She sounded stressed. I could hear --m screaming at the top of his voice in the background. I asked her what his problem was and she told me that she had been talking on the phone instead of playing with him and 'that's not done to him'. It's sad to say but right now, --m is a lot more work looking after than ---y, which is why ---y is frequently booked up and --m is always available for potential carers.

That's not to say that it's unpleasant looking after --m, as a future entry will detail.

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