a double edged sword has been brandished at my blog

04:14:2003
A poetic way of announcing that this blog has come to the attention of certain people. This entry contains an explanation of what a 'Public Albatross System' is.
In particular, --m. Not --m, my son, but ---l, my --m. If this all sounds a bit cryptic, it's because of my sort of paranoid practice of only revealing the last letter of anyone's name on this blog. If you know me personally you can probably work out who I'm talking about. If you don't know me you really shouldn't give a shit what the real names are. If you don't know me but want to know the real names of my friends and family then you're a bit weird and might even be an identity thief.
When I started this blog, I decided to call it '--n's Blog' (without the first two letters of my name blanked out). Then I discovered that there were already six or seven '--n's Blog's out there already. So I decided on the more uncommon name of 'Public Albatross System' because it's a combination of a Public Address System and an albatross around my neck. Basically, everything I write and stick up on this blog is forever on public record. Even if I take the whole thing down tomorrow it is highly possible that these entries will have been picked up by some wandering internet archive robot who will store them on a machine located in a suburb of Miami forever.

Should I attempt to shed or deny certain aspects of my character, opinion or activities in the future, there will always be this blog around to crop up and embarrass me at the wrong moment. That's why it is both a public address system and an albatross around my neck. (nb for those who haven't read 'the rime of the ancient mariner', it's unlucky for a sailor to kill an albatross- and if he does he must wear the dead bird around his neck as a symbol of the wrongdoing he has done. By the way, I haven't read 'the rime of the ancient Mariner' but I once had an English teacher give me the gist of it.)

By why would I want to commit stuff to the public domain when it could concievably lead to future regret? Because as of the time I'm writing it, it's all true. Everything I write here is honestly true. It might not always be the whole truth but there's nothing untrue here (unless you count the works of fiction here as technically 'untrue' in which case you can fuck off). So there you have it. If there's one thing I can't bear it's hypocrisy, and the only way to guard against being labelled a hypocrite oneself is to be as honest as possible at all times. So let them hold up these ramblings in the future and try to condemn me with my own words. If I am still true to myself I shouldn't mind. If I have become a hypocrite I will be quite rightfully cut down to size. I don't know what kind of bizarre scenario I'm envisioning for my future but I kind of hope that public denounciations won't actually figure in it.

Anyway, as a result of this blog, --m now knows that on such-and-such a date I got stoned and watched tv and at another point I freely admitted to letting off some bangers and scaring a dog while similarly intoxicated (it was new year's eve, for god's sake!). So already this 'truth ethic' thing has been an embarassment. On the plus side, --m has some publishing contacts and says she's so impressed with the quality of the writing that she's going to look into getting me an agent. So there's the double edged sword for you.

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